how the rain felt

No one had been waiting for me
on the new couch
in the old bed
for at least
18 years

But I worked so hard I said,
to dispel the thought that you
might believe I’m not
worth committing to
what would it feel like to hear you say

“I love you”

So is it time yet
Is she there now?
A defeated sorrow replied in tears
“No,
but death came closer this year”

But I went looking again
happy go lucky, a friend
Is she here
or there?
If I live right
I’ll find you somewhere

And yet with not one
could I share the news
of permanent war
a permanent war
our permanent war

So I gave up at last
and wrote a poem

and the sky replied
a sympathetic moan
and it met the earth
and the ashes smoked
and from my slumber
I slowly awoke

and noticed it was raining

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